The Changes

So I just have to share what I've kind of gone through the past couple months.

Let's just say that I took a look at where I was and decided that I needed to change. I decided that awhile ago, and I kept telling myself that I was going to change. I would have little moments where I was like "yeah, i'll do that. Tomorrow." I said tomorrow for months. I thought that since I was telling myself that I would change that I was good. I didn't need to do anything.

But I was just so unhappy. Every little challenge I found myself facing was the worst thing in the world. I found myself complaining more often. Focusing solely on the negative. It is very easy to say that I was extremely unhappy. And for some reason I could not figure out why.

One day someone at work asked me how I was doing. He could tell that I wasn't myself. So I just kind of told him everything that was on my mind. The different things that I'm going through. He being the great friend that he is, challenged me to do something that really changed my attitude. He told me to go home and find a place where I can be completely alone and able to feel the spirit with out any disruptions and to read my patriarchal blessing. But while reading it he told me to write down every single blessing that I am promised. When he told me to do that I was so skeptical. But before I finished the first paragraph I was overcome with the spirit. It was the feeling of peace that I hadn't felt for the longest time. That feeling was specifically what I needed to get me to change. It was a feeling of assurance that the Lord is there, but also that I need to do my part to be the best I can be.

Since doing that, there was a big attitude change. It motivated me to change even more to become the best I can be. I started texting another friend who I trust completely and just ask her for advice. She told me that it is hard to change everything at once. It's impossible. But you can make goals each day to work on one thing. But to make it even more meaningful, make a daily covenant with God. Promise Him that you will work on one thing that day.

That made such an incredible difference. It still is making the biggest difference in my life. God is there to help us. When I said a prayer to Him on that first day asking Him to help me have a positive attitude that day, and that I was promising to be as happy as possible, He did help me.

I am at the point where I am still making these covenants with God. I am still struggling with some bad habits, and i'm working on forming new habits, but God is there with me. And I have been blessed with a crazy amount of happiness and peace. Even though I am going through challenges, and I have more that enough things that stress me out, I am happy. And that is because I take the time to keep God a big part of my life. I am constantly relying on Him for everything. He is always in my mind, and that is why I am happy.

Making Changes

So I feel like I have had a lot going on in my life lately. And I wouldn't necessarily say that I have a lot of things that I need to get done, but there is a lot of stuff going on that is in my head. Does that make sense? My mind is so busy with so many different things. 

I have been thinking a lot about where I am at with things. I am not where I want to be. I have slipped up in several areas. And all those different areas being neglected has taken a very negative toll on my life. I won't go into details, but I will just say that I have noticed that I need to make a lot of changes. A lot of habits need to be broken, and new habits need to be formed. 

I have tried for a little while to change, but I was just struggling with finding an effective way to do it. I admit I got frustrated and gave up for awhile. I have talked to a lot of people about this and I got a lot of good ideas that will help. A good friend of mine said that you need to do it a little at a time. Make a daily covenant with God to change something. Like a goal, only better. So that is what I am doing. I have been working on one thing today, and I noticed that as I worked on that one thing, some of the other things I was doing started to change as well. I know that as long as I am covenanting with God, I can do this. He is there for me. I have friends and family who support me. 

Life is great, and I am doing everything I can to make sure that I enjoy ever minute of it. One of my favorite quotes is from Bob Marley and he says, "Wake up and Live." Live life to the fullest baby.

I'm Alive

Well it's been awhile since posting on this thing! I completely forgot that I used to blog...So i'll just give a little update on what's on the hip hap lately.

A couple of weeks ago I moved into a condo with my friend. I am really enjoying it so far. We have already come across several challenges, but that is kind of what happens when you first move in. You find all the problems, and then you fix them. I will post pictures later probably. But right now, it's a Sunday evening and i don't feel like doing anything :) I am enjoying the comfort of blogging from my bed.

I have been working a lot of hours lately. I almost feel burnt out, but I will keep going :) It's a good job. I am thankful for it. I have made a lot of really good friends that have changed my life for the better. That's for sure. I am most comfortable talking with them about my life than anyone else. And they are complete dorks just like myself. You can't replace people like that ;)

And the weather is FINALLY starting to cool down a little! The leaves are beginning to change. Fall is almost here! It is the best season. I am pretty thrilled about this.

That's about all i've got to say right now. I will try my best to remember to blog more regularly. Just letting you know that I am still alive and well. Until next time, enjoy my new favorite quote. I'm adopting it as my life motto at the moment.

Decisions

I just wanted to share this quote. We are continuously making decisions. They never stop. This has been weighing on my mind quite a bit lately.

It is our choice what we do with our time. It is a choice to take the time to do the things that God asks of us each day. We choose to be productive with our time. We choose not to be productive with our time.

 It is a choice to allow God into our lives. I know that when we make our decisions with a prayer in our hearts that we will be so much happier. He will guide us in the right direction.

Friends.

My friends have been occupying my thoughts a lot lately. It is amazing to me that I am surrounded by so many incredible people. Most of the friends I have are unexpected. I don't know how we came to be such good friends. But I am very glad that we are.

There are certain relationships that are so great there are no words to really describe it. It is so great that I can know someone and trust them enough to talk to them about anything. I know that they are listening. I know that they care. I can tell them about the stupid little meaningless things that happen throughout my day. But I can also talk to them about genuine concerns that I have or struggles that I am going through. And in return, I can be a listener to them.

Friendships are not the easiest things for me to develop because I am a very reserved person. I don't put myself out there and talk to people just to talk. So when I stumble across someone who can suddenly be one of the best things that has ever happened to me is such a blessing. These little unexpected friendships have changed my life. I have a Heavenly Father who knows exactly who I need by my side as I make my way through this weird little life of mine. And I am so full of gratitude. I am so happy.

Lifted Higher

Do you ever find yourself struggling and going through a hard time but you don't really know why? I'm kind of going through one of those moments. I'm just getting a little tired of some things that keep happening over and over again in my life. Stupid mistakes that I keep making. These things distract me. They keep me from being the happiest I can be. 

And of course, as I was browsing through pinterest I found these quotes that inspired me. I need to remember that no matter what, God is giving me hard times to strengthen me. He will lift me higher.

The Lord has blessed me with tools to strengthen me. I think the biggest blessings I have right now are my friends. They are great. I can't even imagine where I would be if I did not have people who I can trust completely and talk to about anything. They are some of the greatest sources of strength. That is something that I always need to remember! :)

It's Not A Waste

I just wanted to say a little bit about why I am choosing to go to cosmetology school. I have this horrible problem with worrying about what people think of me. So whenever I say I am going to hair school I kind of cringe because in my head I'm saying "Ok they think I am so vain and only care about looks. This chick must be stuck up." But it isn't true, I just have the problem of assuming that people think that.

I saw this quote on someone's blog quite a few months ago, and it really made me stop and think about why I want to pursue this career path. I've definitely struggled with choosing a path that is so focused on vanity. It seemed kind of empty. But this quote changed my mind.

Full quote here:

So we are, on a finite level, people who can create. Why does man have creativity?  Why can man think of so many things in his mind, and choose, and then bring forth something that other people can taste, smell, feel, hear, and see?   Because man was created in the image of a Creator.  Man was created that he might create.  It is not a waste of man's time to be creative.  It is not a waste to pursue artistic or scientific pursuits in creativity, because this is what man was made to be able to do.  He was made in the image of a Creator, and given the capacity to create- on a finite level of course, needing to use the materials already created- but he is still the creature of the Creator. 

-The Hidden Art of Homemaking 

God gave me the desire to be creative. My love for the beauty industry was not an accident. It's not an accident that I love styling hair. It is not an accident. I love to be creative with hair and make up and other things in the beauty industry.

This career path will give me the opportunity to meet so many different people and interact with them on a level that is personal.

I have learned to never underestimate the Lord's power to use my creative desire for something greater. I believe He has already set up my path and it is my choice to use it for something more. I was not given my desires and talents on accident.

And I will use them for something more.

Everyone is Fighting a Hard Battle

It has been kind of a crazy week so far. I have been kind of stressed because of silly little things that keep happening over and over again. And the terrible events in Boston have kind of created a dark feeling right now... Life is crazy, right??

Well recently I have decided to take a step back and just evaluate where I am at right now with my life. What am I doing that is good? What am I doing that needs to stop? Am I becoming the person that I need to be right now? I've never really taken the right amount of time to really look at myself.

I have noticed that my priorities have gotten extremely messed up. I have started the bad habit of going to bed extremely late very night, and waking up very late as well. I guess I have been completely ignoring the counsel of "early to bed early to rise." That really makes a huge difference on my mood. When I wake up late like this I am tired, a little grumpy, and sluggish. I don't want to do anything except be in bed! Thats messed up..haha

Of course, when you are in a bad mood, "everyone else" is doing everything wrong. It can't possibly be you. I have this horrible habit of complaining about what other people do and not even take a second glance at myself.

However, today I was talking to my boss about some of my concerns, and during my shift I was thinking that there are probably some concerns that people have about me. Even if they don't, I have things I need to work on. I need to stop judging. If someone is struggling at work, maybe they are just stressed. Maybe they, like me, have had a crazy week and don't feel like laughing at your stupid jokes. Come on Katie.

I am making a goal to stop judging other people for things that I don't completely understand. Life is freaking hard. Everyone lives in this messed up world. Everyone is a child of God. We all have our own struggles and trials. It is a commandment to not judge others. We need to love one another as God loves us.

This has been one of THE hardest things for me to learn and discover for myself. I need to take a step out of my own head. Get out of my little bubble. There are other people in this world. I need to love those who I may have issues with. No one is going to be perfect. Heck, i'm not perfect, so why am I judging others?

I am going to focus on getting rid of those negative thoughts. Thoughts are the hardest thing to control, but it is so important. I know I can do it. I need to make the change. And I know that I will have my Heavenly Father there to help me along :) I will be a happier person.

Thoughts

I hope everyone has enjoyed their Sunday! I definitely have. Today has been one of those days where I soak everything in and feel completely immersed in the Spirit. I think what really pushed this Sunday over the top was the visit from my home teachers. I have the BEST home teachers in the world. It is definitely going to be sad to say goodbye to them at the end of the semester. Anyways, their message really struck me. I'm sure you have all heard the home teaching message this month. You can read it here.

But this message is about the Resurrection. We are so blessed with the Plan of Salvation and to know that we will live again and also see our loved ones again. Think about what it would be like if death was the end. How scary would that be? So scary! But with the knowledge of the beautiful plan of happiness we be at peace. It is called the Plan of Happiness for a reason.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is meant to bring us happiness and peace.

In my Relief Society lesson, we talked about our trials. Though our trials are very hard, they happen for a reason. Whenever I make it through a trial I look back on it and know that I learned so much from it. They are such an incredible source for strength and growth. They are the ultimate learning experiences.

One thing we can never forget is that our brother, Jesus Christ, is always there for us. When we are alone, and completely lost, He is there. He suffered and died for us. He will bring peace. He will bring forgiveness. You will feel His love if you turn to him.


I wanted to share these things with you today because they have given me a boost. I feel a burning desire to better myself after feeling this Spirit.

Have an awesome Sunday :) And good luck to everyone who has finals this week!!!

Peace

Tonight as I was studying my scriptures and writing in my journal, I made an awesome realization that I really want to share.

So lately my life has consisted of many hours of work everyday. After work I would come home and listen to my music. Always. It was my ritual. My music makes me feel so good! I've already posted about this.  Putting my headphones in my ears allows me to escape from real life and takes me into the world of the lyrics (did that sound cheezy?...)

However, listening to music while wasting my time on the internet was more of a priority than reading my scriptures and simply saying my prayers.

There is someone I work with who is constantly happy. Always smiling. Continuously laughing. When I am at work I tend to complain, or simply don't smile. I decided that I wanted to be more like this positive person. I smiled. I tried to keep my complaints to myself. The difference it made was incredible.

When I came home from work I decided that I wanted to read my scriptures. After reading my scriptures I listened to some Sunday music and wrote in my journal. I read my patriarchal blessing. The Spirit was so strong, and I felt the most amazing peace.

Here is the realization that I made:

Nothing can bring us more happiness than the beautiful Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

I'm comparing the feeling of listening to my music after work every day and the way I feel after studying my scriptures. They are completely different. Nothing can bring us more peace than dedicating our time to our Lord.

This is just my experience. But I challenge you to try it for yourself. Take 15 minutes to read from your scriptures, write in your journal, or say a simple prayer. Pay attention to what you feel during/after doing so. Listen to Heavenly Father speak to you. Because He will.

Be Happy.

I just wanted to share what has been going on in my head for the past couple of days.

Life is insane.

I'm pretty sure every person on this earth can say so. So much stuff happens in our lives. We have bad days. We have awesome days. We get stressed out. We surprise ourselves with what we are capable of. We are freaks. We feel good and we feel bad.

It is so easy to let the bad things that happen to us get us down. That has probably been the biggest problem i've had in my life so far. Stop dwelling on the ugly parts of life.

It is completely up to you to let go of all the crap that is holding us back. It feels AWFUL to dwell on the ugly. It is impossible to feel happy when we dwell on that. Trust me, I know. Let it go!

We are always going to have bad things happen. But pick yourself up off of the floor. Make yourself happy. Go hang out with your friends and act completely ridiculous. I know that when I do that I always feel a heck of a lot better.

Happiness is a choice. Make the choice. Life is meant to be a growing exerience, and a happy experience :)

Where Am I Going?

 

I saw this quote on pinterst like 5 minutes ago, and I love it! I feel like it describes almost every person's situation. Our lives are changing constantly. Plans change, and answers change. There are so many times where I find myself going to unexpected places in my life-that I would have never imagined myself in. But I know that it is always where I need to be.

 

God has a plan for all of us. For some it takes a lot longer to figure out than others, but the plan is still created. It is so important to remember that. No matter what is happening all around us, we are going to end up where we are supposed to be.

 

I want to bear my testimony that I know this is true. I know that God loves each of us. I know that we will see Him again someday, through His beautiful plan. I hope you can all come to know that as well.

 

Have a beautiful Sunday.

The One That is Hard to Write

I've been working on this post for a long time. It is difficult for me to correctly say what I want to say and have it be taken the way I want it to be taken. I hope that I have done so correctly. I have not talked to a lot of people about this. I think it is because I fear what people are going to think. But here I go...it's really long. You have to be dedicated to read it.

About a month ago, around the time of my birthday, I had a thought cross my mind. Do I really want to serve a mission? Of course I do. I got my answer, I dropped out of school so that I could earn money for it and everything. I've payed for a passport so that I could leave asap after getting my call if I happened to go foreign. I told everyone that it is what I wanted to do. Then why was I having second thoughts?

When I moved out of my home in August and into Glenwood, it was really hard for me. I had a very hard time adjusting. It was my first time on my own. I was mostly surrounded by complete strangers. I was sleeping in an uncomfortable bed. I was having a hard time becoming friends with the girls at my school. I just felt so out of place and uncomfortable. I felt like my life was not progressing. I wasn't happy. I was stuck in a black hole. So unhappy.

Then President Monsen gave the beautiful mission announcement that young women may serve missions for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at the age of 19. That meant that I could serve. So after many prayers, fasts, and temple trips, I decided that I was going to prepare to serve a mission for the Lord. That was an anwer that I know I received. I needed to prepare to serve.

In preparation, I decided that I was going to make an effort to study the scriptures in depth daily. I put extra effort into understanding what I was reading and applying it to me. I studied out of the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Preach My Gospel. I was so completely immersed in the Spirit everyday. I felt great.

But then after awhile I started to feel so many negative emotions. It was getting harder and harder to keep myself happy and positve. Every little silly thing would nag at me and make me so unhappy and grumpy. My roommates were beginning to bother me (for no reason at all), I hated going to work, I had no motivation to read my scriptures, I didn't want to go to church, and I just didn't want to do anything.

I began to think about my brother. When I was eating breakfast on my birthday, I was hit with the reality that if I left on a mission, I would not see my brother for another year. That would be 3 years without seeing him. I knew that, but it dawned on me on my birthday just how hard that would be for me. He is my best friend.

Satan was tempting me. In a very creative way. He was targeting me in very effective ways. I talked to my mom about this. She told me how Satan doesn't want me to go on a mission. Why would he? I would be an awesome missionary! She told me to pray for my roommates. Pray to love them as God loves them. Pray to enjoy life. Don't stop praying. She told me that I am a daugher of God. I deserve to be happy.

And so I did. I prayed. And prayed and prayed. And prayed some more. It was very hard at first. There was so much stuff pulling me away from the spirit, but I kept going. Eventually I noticed a change. It was a small change at first. I was able to tolerate everybody. Work was not so bad.

I continued praying. I love my roommates. They are so much fun. They have shown so much love to me. They are constantly serving me. They are always laughing and singing and making our apartment a place full of love and a refuge from the world. Why didn't I see this before? I love it here at Glenwood. I am finally starting to see that. I am enjoying being 'on my own' in the world. I've noticed now that when I go home to Orem, it is just not quite the same. It is definitely still my home, but I don't live there anymore. I like being at my apartment.

And work. Where do I begin? I love work so much. Not a lot of people get to say that who work fast food. I can honestly say with out a doubt in my mind that I love going to work. I work with the most incredible people. I have made some of the best friends here. When I walk in before every shift I am greeted with happy faces and lots of "Hi Katie!!!" 's. It makes me feel so warm and welcome.We can laugh together, be stupid together, and be really angry at stupid customers together. I am able to talk openly with them. In fact they are the only ones who I have talked to about what I am saying right now in this post. That says something about the trust and love that we have. There are not words to say how blessed I feel to know them.

For so long I have felt like I didn't quite belong anywhere. I never really felt like I was a happy person. For too long I let the regrets of my past mistakes take over my thoughts and my life. It was preventing me from enjoying the beautiful things around me. I have a lot of demons inside of me, but they shouldn't be controlling my life.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am finally happy. In preparing for a mission I have found that. I have made the best friends that I have ever had. I finally belong somewhere. I don't know that I have ever been able to say that. I am finally seeing progress in my life! I don't feel stuck. I feel true joy.

Now to get down to the real point of this post. I have decided not to go on a mission. Why? Why have I decided this after this long process of preparing to go and finding out how to be so happy? That makes no sense? Those questions have been in my head for such a long time. Nagging at me. But I think the most impactful thing I have ever done was preparing to serve a mission. That preparation is how I found this happiness.

I talked to my bishop about this. I explained my feelings. While working on my mission papers I wasn't very enthusiastic. He asked me if it was fear. And I can honestly say that it is not fear. I am not afraid to serve a mission. It just does not feel right anymore. He explained to me that it is not a requirement at all. There is no obligation for me to go.

I don't want anyone to think that I am flaky. That is not what I am trying to go for. My life has been pulled and stretched in many many different directions the past few years, and this is just one more stretch.

I feel like I got an answer to prepare to serve a mission because I needed something to push me farther than I have ever been pushed to come closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ. Motivation has never been a strong quality of mine. But I was motivated to prepare to serve. I dedicated hours and hours to scripture study, prayer, and just focusing my life on the gospel. My testimony has been icnredibly strengthened. I have read my patriarchal blessing more times in the past month than I have ever read anything in my life.

I needed to take the time to discover what it is I am looking for in life. I've made goals for what I want. I will be going back to school. I will continue to take the time each day to study my scriptures and pray to my Heavenly Father. I will focus on becoming the person I am meant to be. I will magnify my calling to the very best of my ability. I will attend the temple regularly. I will keep my standards high so that I can get married in the temple one day.

I am finally starting to see progress in my life. I am beginning to understand who I am. I feel like I belong somewhere.

Maybe I will serve a mission one day. It could even possibly be next year. But for now it is not what I am meant to do. I know that. I have received a very clear answer. And I am ok with that. I know that there are things right here right now that I need to be doing. And I am very happy. So extremely happy. I have never smiled so much in m life. I have awesome friends. I am a member of the church. I am surrounded by the truth. I am blessed with everything I need, and more. I am so confident in myself. I know I am beautiful. I know my worth. It feels so good.  And I want to share this happiness with everyone I come in contact with. That is my mission. I am still called as a missionary for the Lord. Just in a different way.

I want to close this post with one of my favorite quotes from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland:

"God expects you to have enough faith and determination and enough trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. In fact, He expects you not simply to face the future; He expects you to embrace and shape the future-to love it and rejoice in it and delight in your opportunities."

Here's to life.