The Changes

So I just have to share what I've kind of gone through the past couple months.

Let's just say that I took a look at where I was and decided that I needed to change. I decided that awhile ago, and I kept telling myself that I was going to change. I would have little moments where I was like "yeah, i'll do that. Tomorrow." I said tomorrow for months. I thought that since I was telling myself that I would change that I was good. I didn't need to do anything.

But I was just so unhappy. Every little challenge I found myself facing was the worst thing in the world. I found myself complaining more often. Focusing solely on the negative. It is very easy to say that I was extremely unhappy. And for some reason I could not figure out why.

One day someone at work asked me how I was doing. He could tell that I wasn't myself. So I just kind of told him everything that was on my mind. The different things that I'm going through. He being the great friend that he is, challenged me to do something that really changed my attitude. He told me to go home and find a place where I can be completely alone and able to feel the spirit with out any disruptions and to read my patriarchal blessing. But while reading it he told me to write down every single blessing that I am promised. When he told me to do that I was so skeptical. But before I finished the first paragraph I was overcome with the spirit. It was the feeling of peace that I hadn't felt for the longest time. That feeling was specifically what I needed to get me to change. It was a feeling of assurance that the Lord is there, but also that I need to do my part to be the best I can be.

Since doing that, there was a big attitude change. It motivated me to change even more to become the best I can be. I started texting another friend who I trust completely and just ask her for advice. She told me that it is hard to change everything at once. It's impossible. But you can make goals each day to work on one thing. But to make it even more meaningful, make a daily covenant with God. Promise Him that you will work on one thing that day.

That made such an incredible difference. It still is making the biggest difference in my life. God is there to help us. When I said a prayer to Him on that first day asking Him to help me have a positive attitude that day, and that I was promising to be as happy as possible, He did help me.

I am at the point where I am still making these covenants with God. I am still struggling with some bad habits, and i'm working on forming new habits, but God is there with me. And I have been blessed with a crazy amount of happiness and peace. Even though I am going through challenges, and I have more that enough things that stress me out, I am happy. And that is because I take the time to keep God a big part of my life. I am constantly relying on Him for everything. He is always in my mind, and that is why I am happy.

Making Changes

So I feel like I have had a lot going on in my life lately. And I wouldn't necessarily say that I have a lot of things that I need to get done, but there is a lot of stuff going on that is in my head. Does that make sense? My mind is so busy with so many different things. 

I have been thinking a lot about where I am at with things. I am not where I want to be. I have slipped up in several areas. And all those different areas being neglected has taken a very negative toll on my life. I won't go into details, but I will just say that I have noticed that I need to make a lot of changes. A lot of habits need to be broken, and new habits need to be formed. 

I have tried for a little while to change, but I was just struggling with finding an effective way to do it. I admit I got frustrated and gave up for awhile. I have talked to a lot of people about this and I got a lot of good ideas that will help. A good friend of mine said that you need to do it a little at a time. Make a daily covenant with God to change something. Like a goal, only better. So that is what I am doing. I have been working on one thing today, and I noticed that as I worked on that one thing, some of the other things I was doing started to change as well. I know that as long as I am covenanting with God, I can do this. He is there for me. I have friends and family who support me. 

Life is great, and I am doing everything I can to make sure that I enjoy ever minute of it. One of my favorite quotes is from Bob Marley and he says, "Wake up and Live." Live life to the fullest baby.

Everyone is Fighting a Hard Battle

It has been kind of a crazy week so far. I have been kind of stressed because of silly little things that keep happening over and over again. And the terrible events in Boston have kind of created a dark feeling right now... Life is crazy, right??

Well recently I have decided to take a step back and just evaluate where I am at right now with my life. What am I doing that is good? What am I doing that needs to stop? Am I becoming the person that I need to be right now? I've never really taken the right amount of time to really look at myself.

I have noticed that my priorities have gotten extremely messed up. I have started the bad habit of going to bed extremely late very night, and waking up very late as well. I guess I have been completely ignoring the counsel of "early to bed early to rise." That really makes a huge difference on my mood. When I wake up late like this I am tired, a little grumpy, and sluggish. I don't want to do anything except be in bed! Thats messed up..haha

Of course, when you are in a bad mood, "everyone else" is doing everything wrong. It can't possibly be you. I have this horrible habit of complaining about what other people do and not even take a second glance at myself.

However, today I was talking to my boss about some of my concerns, and during my shift I was thinking that there are probably some concerns that people have about me. Even if they don't, I have things I need to work on. I need to stop judging. If someone is struggling at work, maybe they are just stressed. Maybe they, like me, have had a crazy week and don't feel like laughing at your stupid jokes. Come on Katie.

I am making a goal to stop judging other people for things that I don't completely understand. Life is freaking hard. Everyone lives in this messed up world. Everyone is a child of God. We all have our own struggles and trials. It is a commandment to not judge others. We need to love one another as God loves us.

This has been one of THE hardest things for me to learn and discover for myself. I need to take a step out of my own head. Get out of my little bubble. There are other people in this world. I need to love those who I may have issues with. No one is going to be perfect. Heck, i'm not perfect, so why am I judging others?

I am going to focus on getting rid of those negative thoughts. Thoughts are the hardest thing to control, but it is so important. I know I can do it. I need to make the change. And I know that I will have my Heavenly Father there to help me along :) I will be a happier person.

General Conference Challenge

So my relief society has given us a challenge in my ward. They said that starting today, if you read one conference talk a day you can finish all of them by the time the next general conference comes along. I can't think of a better way to prepare for conference!

I'm inviting you guys to do it to, if ya want. The words of the general authorities are modern day scripture. I'm so excited to do this!

You can find all of the talks here or there is also a link on the top of my blog that will take you straight to the LDS website.

The talk for today was from President Monson when he announced the mission age change. I feel the spirit so strongly every single time I hear that. How awesome is it that the church is growing and progressing so much? It's incredible.

The One That is Hard to Write

I've been working on this post for a long time. It is difficult for me to correctly say what I want to say and have it be taken the way I want it to be taken. I hope that I have done so correctly. I have not talked to a lot of people about this. I think it is because I fear what people are going to think. But here I go...it's really long. You have to be dedicated to read it.

About a month ago, around the time of my birthday, I had a thought cross my mind. Do I really want to serve a mission? Of course I do. I got my answer, I dropped out of school so that I could earn money for it and everything. I've payed for a passport so that I could leave asap after getting my call if I happened to go foreign. I told everyone that it is what I wanted to do. Then why was I having second thoughts?

When I moved out of my home in August and into Glenwood, it was really hard for me. I had a very hard time adjusting. It was my first time on my own. I was mostly surrounded by complete strangers. I was sleeping in an uncomfortable bed. I was having a hard time becoming friends with the girls at my school. I just felt so out of place and uncomfortable. I felt like my life was not progressing. I wasn't happy. I was stuck in a black hole. So unhappy.

Then President Monsen gave the beautiful mission announcement that young women may serve missions for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at the age of 19. That meant that I could serve. So after many prayers, fasts, and temple trips, I decided that I was going to prepare to serve a mission for the Lord. That was an anwer that I know I received. I needed to prepare to serve.

In preparation, I decided that I was going to make an effort to study the scriptures in depth daily. I put extra effort into understanding what I was reading and applying it to me. I studied out of the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Preach My Gospel. I was so completely immersed in the Spirit everyday. I felt great.

But then after awhile I started to feel so many negative emotions. It was getting harder and harder to keep myself happy and positve. Every little silly thing would nag at me and make me so unhappy and grumpy. My roommates were beginning to bother me (for no reason at all), I hated going to work, I had no motivation to read my scriptures, I didn't want to go to church, and I just didn't want to do anything.

I began to think about my brother. When I was eating breakfast on my birthday, I was hit with the reality that if I left on a mission, I would not see my brother for another year. That would be 3 years without seeing him. I knew that, but it dawned on me on my birthday just how hard that would be for me. He is my best friend.

Satan was tempting me. In a very creative way. He was targeting me in very effective ways. I talked to my mom about this. She told me how Satan doesn't want me to go on a mission. Why would he? I would be an awesome missionary! She told me to pray for my roommates. Pray to love them as God loves them. Pray to enjoy life. Don't stop praying. She told me that I am a daugher of God. I deserve to be happy.

And so I did. I prayed. And prayed and prayed. And prayed some more. It was very hard at first. There was so much stuff pulling me away from the spirit, but I kept going. Eventually I noticed a change. It was a small change at first. I was able to tolerate everybody. Work was not so bad.

I continued praying. I love my roommates. They are so much fun. They have shown so much love to me. They are constantly serving me. They are always laughing and singing and making our apartment a place full of love and a refuge from the world. Why didn't I see this before? I love it here at Glenwood. I am finally starting to see that. I am enjoying being 'on my own' in the world. I've noticed now that when I go home to Orem, it is just not quite the same. It is definitely still my home, but I don't live there anymore. I like being at my apartment.

And work. Where do I begin? I love work so much. Not a lot of people get to say that who work fast food. I can honestly say with out a doubt in my mind that I love going to work. I work with the most incredible people. I have made some of the best friends here. When I walk in before every shift I am greeted with happy faces and lots of "Hi Katie!!!" 's. It makes me feel so warm and welcome.We can laugh together, be stupid together, and be really angry at stupid customers together. I am able to talk openly with them. In fact they are the only ones who I have talked to about what I am saying right now in this post. That says something about the trust and love that we have. There are not words to say how blessed I feel to know them.

For so long I have felt like I didn't quite belong anywhere. I never really felt like I was a happy person. For too long I let the regrets of my past mistakes take over my thoughts and my life. It was preventing me from enjoying the beautiful things around me. I have a lot of demons inside of me, but they shouldn't be controlling my life.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am finally happy. In preparing for a mission I have found that. I have made the best friends that I have ever had. I finally belong somewhere. I don't know that I have ever been able to say that. I am finally seeing progress in my life! I don't feel stuck. I feel true joy.

Now to get down to the real point of this post. I have decided not to go on a mission. Why? Why have I decided this after this long process of preparing to go and finding out how to be so happy? That makes no sense? Those questions have been in my head for such a long time. Nagging at me. But I think the most impactful thing I have ever done was preparing to serve a mission. That preparation is how I found this happiness.

I talked to my bishop about this. I explained my feelings. While working on my mission papers I wasn't very enthusiastic. He asked me if it was fear. And I can honestly say that it is not fear. I am not afraid to serve a mission. It just does not feel right anymore. He explained to me that it is not a requirement at all. There is no obligation for me to go.

I don't want anyone to think that I am flaky. That is not what I am trying to go for. My life has been pulled and stretched in many many different directions the past few years, and this is just one more stretch.

I feel like I got an answer to prepare to serve a mission because I needed something to push me farther than I have ever been pushed to come closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ. Motivation has never been a strong quality of mine. But I was motivated to prepare to serve. I dedicated hours and hours to scripture study, prayer, and just focusing my life on the gospel. My testimony has been icnredibly strengthened. I have read my patriarchal blessing more times in the past month than I have ever read anything in my life.

I needed to take the time to discover what it is I am looking for in life. I've made goals for what I want. I will be going back to school. I will continue to take the time each day to study my scriptures and pray to my Heavenly Father. I will focus on becoming the person I am meant to be. I will magnify my calling to the very best of my ability. I will attend the temple regularly. I will keep my standards high so that I can get married in the temple one day.

I am finally starting to see progress in my life. I am beginning to understand who I am. I feel like I belong somewhere.

Maybe I will serve a mission one day. It could even possibly be next year. But for now it is not what I am meant to do. I know that. I have received a very clear answer. And I am ok with that. I know that there are things right here right now that I need to be doing. And I am very happy. So extremely happy. I have never smiled so much in m life. I have awesome friends. I am a member of the church. I am surrounded by the truth. I am blessed with everything I need, and more. I am so confident in myself. I know I am beautiful. I know my worth. It feels so good.  And I want to share this happiness with everyone I come in contact with. That is my mission. I am still called as a missionary for the Lord. Just in a different way.

I want to close this post with one of my favorite quotes from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland:

"God expects you to have enough faith and determination and enough trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. In fact, He expects you not simply to face the future; He expects you to embrace and shape the future-to love it and rejoice in it and delight in your opportunities."

Here's to life.

It's Up to You.

In preparation for my mission I have noticed a change in so many things. I don't even have my call, but I have felt more temptation in the past couple of months preparing for a mission than I have felt in my whole life. It's not really big things that I am feeling tempted with, but silly little things through out my day.

It is getting harder and harder to get myself to wake up in the mornings because I feel like I have nothing to do. Or I wake up and start feeling really down on myself and sometimes feeling really worthless. When my day starts out like this it is hard to make myself happy throughout the rest of my day. It is getting easier and easier to blow off my scripture study. I tell myself that I can "do it later." Everybody has done that at some point and everyone knows that you will not do it later.

I had started out this year with so many goals and changes that I wanted to make, and so far it has not worked. But now that I have taken the time to sit down and think about the little choices I have been making I remember why I made these goals. When I read my scriptures at the start of the day, my day is so nice! I don't have fears or second guesses about my readiness for a mission. When I don't start out my day right, I frequently feel unprepared and very scared to serve. But I got an answer that I needed to go, and I will do whatever it takes to prepare myself the best I can.

My dad took me out to lunch a little while ago and he mentioned that I should be studying Preach my Gospel. And I have. It is awesome. Why wasn't I studying it before? I am learning so much more that I ever thought I would.

Rosie and I went to the distribution center yesterday to get a few things, and I looked back in the section with all the temple clothes and garments and had an overwhelming feeling come over me. It was a good feeling. The feeling that motivates me to become a better person so that I can one day (really soon) go back there and prepare to make sacred covenants with my Heavenly Father in the temple.

So I guess the point of this post was to share that temptation is so real. It is everywhere. But it is up to you if you are going to withstand it and do everything you can to stay strong. I want to stay strong. I want to serve the Lord as His representative somewhere on this beautiful Earth. I want others to feel of the happiness that I have been blessed with forever.


If you made it to the end of this post, good on ya. This is kind of long. I hope you have a wonderful evening and Sunday tomorrow :)

Hard Work

I just wanted to talk about how important work is! I thought while driving home from work tonight that I feel so accomplished about everything I did today/tonight. When I come home from work my aching legs and feet let me know that I was really productive and that I am doing something worth while with my time.

You know those days when you are in your p.j.'s all day and you don't really do anything except laze around and watch movies and eat? And you know how you just feel like a piece of junk? That is because you are not doing anything worth while with your time. I am really making a goal to do something each day that will help me to feel accomplished and I can go to bed knowing that I did all I could to make it a good day. Even something as simple as taking out the trash and doing the dishes or something. Little things like that add up through the day to the point where you just feel so happy for what you have done!

I always feel happiest when I sit down at dinner after a day of working my hardest. Especially when I am sitting with my family or roommates who were also working their hardest that day. Those are the moments I remember most. Those are the moments that bring us closest together.

There is a Clint Black song called Spend My Time that I really love because of the lyrics. He says "i'm gonna spend my time like it's goin out of style." I am making a goal to live by that motto!

This is Going to be a Great Year!

I hope everyone had a beautiful Christmas and New Years. I definitely loved mine. This was the weirdest Christmas I ever had because my brother was gone and we didn't have all of our usual traditions. It is ok though, I still had an awesome one. I love when there is no school and the parents are off of work for so long! I definitely felt like I had plenty of time to spend with them. I can never get enough of those moments!

On New Years Eve we sat down as a familly to make our resolutions. A lot of times making resolutions bothers me because you never stick to them, and you tend to ask too much of yourself. So I rolled my eyes when we started. But really, it is such a good idea to reflect on your life. Think about everything you did in the past year. I was thinking about all of the good things. I noticed that my life was seriously lacking in some crucial things. So I decided that I am going to focus on those this year.

As many of you know I have decided that I will be serving a mission! However, I realized that if I was going to do that, I needed to be at my best spiritually and physically. Going on a mission requires a lot of you. I decided I am going to do these 3 things everyday to prepare me.

ONE [1] Be in bed at 10:30 p.m. every night (unless I have work or something else that requires me to stay up longer), and wake up at 6:30 a.m. every morning. *missionary rules-good to prepare, right?

TWO [2] Study the scriptures for 1 hour every morning. This would include everything. The Book of Mormon, D&C, Bible, Preach My Gospel, and anything that is enriching and teaches me more about this beautiful gospel that I will be teaching to people.

THREE [3] Live a healthier lifestyle. This means exercising daily to prepare my body for the demands of being on my feet for hours. I need to be able to do everything with out any problems. It also means healthier eating. I need to do this so that I have the energy to focus on what is really important. I need to be able to focus on my scripture study, and also I want to have the best attitude that I can about my life :)

I am hoping that doing these things will increase my happiness and enthusiasm about life!! I want to enjoy every moment this year. This is gonna be a good one.

My Decision.

So I have been seriously thinking hard about serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ever since the announcement made in General Conferene. (Hasn't everyone?) And I have decided that if it is possible for me to put school on pause to serve a mission and then resume where I was when I return, I will most definitely be serving a mission.

I would have to stop school immediately and begin working my little tail off so that I could earn enough money, but I am not worried about the money. I find out tomorrow if it is possible to pause school. I just don't want to lose everything that I have worked for already in school.

Anyways, I thought I would share some of the things that triggered my decision to serve. First of all, everyone who has given me such good advice and insight on how to recognize answers from the Lord. There was also a night where I was just getting so frustrated with everything because I was praying about it constantly, fasting, and paying close attention to feelings during my scripture study and I still had no answer. I started crying and feeling so alone because I felt like my prayers were not being heard. Then I had a thought to read the quote for today from my Stand a Little Taller book. I want to share it with you:

Thank the Lord and Offer Sacrifice

 

Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things. Thou shalt offer a sacrifice unto the Lord thy God in righteousness, even that of a broken heart and a contrite spirit. -Doctrine and Covenants 59:7-8

 

Before you make a decision against a mission, count your blessings, dear friend. Think of all the great and marvelous blessings you have. Are they not all gifts from a generous Heavenly Father? Out of a spirit of appreciation and gratitude, and a sense of duty, you ought to make whatever adjustment is neccessary to give a little of your time, consecrating your strength, your means, your talents to the work of sharing with others the gospel, which is the source of so much of the good that you have.

 

 

When I read that I felt like I was smacked in the face with an answer. Instead of asking myself why I should be serving a mission, I started asking why not? I have been blessed to have the truth my whole life. To be so happy with the knowledge that I have. Why am I not doing everything I can to let everyone else know and experience this joy that I have?

 

This is also another great quote. Another reason I decided.

 

Anyways, those are some of the reasons I have decided to serve a mission, if I can get the school thing to work out. If not, then i will be happily getting an education and serving after i graduate if it is the right thing to do :)



Future Me

So school is going really great so far! It is really hard right now because I really don't know what i'm doing yet. I have no muscle memory in my hands yet. I am learning perms and they require a lot of focus hand muscles.

So we got a homework assignment to make a poster with our goals on it. They are goals for my career and life. So I made my poster tonight. It made me think about where I want to take my career after school. Here is a picture of my poster, and then I will talk about some of my goals.

Here are my goals:

1. I want to have a lifestyle blog-like a blog about hair, make up, clothes, and just different things that happen day to day. I would want it to be an inspiring blog. I have been following a hair/lifestyle blog I found on pinterest for awhile, and it really has changed the way I see myself.

2. I want be happy, enthusiastic, and satisfied with my life.

3. Married in the temple!!! I want to have a happy Christ-centered family.

4. I want to focus a big chunk of my career doing hair and make up for weddings and other events. This is a recent interest of mine, and I am really excited. I think that would make my career a lot more personal. And I have always enjoyed experimenting with different hair techniques. Up-do's are so much fun.

5. Eventually I think it would be nice to own my own salon. That is not a priority, but I think eventually that would be what I want.

6. Inner beauty is on the poster as well. I put that on there because there is no substitute for what beauty you have inside. Hair and makeup and clothes are so much fun, but they are no substitute for that inner beauty. I hope to inspire that in people with my career path.

7. I don't know if you saw this on the top of the poster, but it says "BYU fan forever!". I put that because I will forever be a BYU fan. I had to put that on my goal poster. You know me.

8. The last thing I want to always work hard. It is going to take A LOT of hard work to get my career to where I want it to be. I still need to graduate from school and establish myself. I have always admired people who can work so hard, and I want to be one of those people. I have always looked up to my dad. He works so hard and is always so positive. He is the pefect example of how a person should be. I love him.

So there are some of my goals! I just wanted to put them up here because they are real. I want to accomplish these things. I hope to some day lead up to this. I am really happy and excited with where I am at right now, and I hope to continue to be happy and excited :)

Happier Than a Bird with a French Fry

I had a pretty full day today. I had school and then went straight to work. I feel like that stressed me out more just because this is my first week of school, and that kind of stresses me out. At work I think I just felt overwhelmed with different things that were happening because of the stresses I have. I went home to do homework and my internet wasn't working. I was complaining so bad!!

But then one of the coolest people I know told me to think of a positive thing that happend in my day. At first I thought, "there is nothing." But then I remembered that I got a big paycheck. My internet started working and I was able to do my work. I learned really cool stuff in school today. My family sent me nice texts throughout the day. I work with the coolest people ever. I had a car to drive me where I needed to go. I was able to read my scriptures and write in my journal tonight.

So many good things happened. I am making a goal to do this everyday. I will find all of the positive things I can think of! I feel like doing this will help me to see the joys that happen all around me all the time. There are going to be bad moments, but they won't ruin my day.

Thanks for making me think about this Julie :)

The Holy Temple

I found this quote on pinterest and feel so inspired.

 

I live so close to so many different temples and still find that I don't go enough. I need to go to the temple more. That is my goal right now. I will go to the temple at least once a month. It is such a simple thing that makes an incredible difference. I invite everyone who is able to go to the temple as often as they can as well. As our prophet Thomas S. Monsen said as we go to the temple we can "...be more able to vear every trial and overcome each temptation...we will find peace, we will be renewed and fortified."